Unsuccessful.

- The worst thing about disappointment is that I always think I'm prepared for it. And yet I'm here and I'm cut to pieces and all I can do is cry these ridiculous hot tears and turn red. Because I'm wearing myself down with these ridiculous dreams that are miles too far and I have to remember that it's only in books that people ever get their happy endings. I'm sitting watching the snow fall and all I can think is why does this keep happening? But for me the key point is that it's all my own fault and if I could just STOP and stop dreaming too far and get a touch of real life into me.


- In the last few weeks what I want to do has become clearer and clearer. Writing just feels right. Whether it's writing independently, ie novels, or journalism.. it seemed suddenly clear. My rejection from UEA feels like it's all sunk back into the murky depths.


- I have to keep reminding myself that I never truly expected to get an offer. It wasn't my first choice. It's not in London. It's just.. yesterday I wrote sincerely for the first time in as long as I can remember. It felt wonderful.